Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
