theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
