Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
