i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Randomize