oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
