two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
