why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Randomize
