yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Randomize
