and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
