Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
