Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
