last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
