shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
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