his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Randomize
