i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
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