I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Randomize
