I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
should my penis look like a turkey
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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