I have demons in me.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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