i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
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