You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
