Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
