You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
i dont even know how to be here
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
