Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Randomize
