So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Randomize
