My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
