I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize