my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
It was like giving head to a cactus.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
