so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Randomize
