All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Randomize