i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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