You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Randomize
