Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
