She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
