I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
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