Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Princesses don't give blow jobs
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize