i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
