A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
