Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
