My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
