PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
