Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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