You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
