just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
