Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Randomize