Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Randomize
