I can't breathe out the right side of my face
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
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