i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
