i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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