so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
