I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
