were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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