On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
