i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
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