He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize