We need to rekindle our bromance
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
