pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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