I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Randomize
