I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Randomize