I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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