I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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