Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
