if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
if only i could text you this smell
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
