The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I think a kid would responsible me up
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Randomize
