I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
