i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
