so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
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