i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
