whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
