She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Randomize
