I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Randomize
