Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize