just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Randomize
