oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
